Yesterday, MM gave me the afternoon off. Told me he'd wake MB from his nap and I could take my book somewhere, sit and read, or just go do whatever. All I really needed to do was go buy some groceries. But I took my book and a sense of confusion to the car. Where I sat wondering what in the world I was going to do for a couple hours. I went and filled up the gas tank. Then I decided to go up to a posh street here in Santa Monica to check out some high-end facial sunscreen. This is what I was wearing (it will be important later)....some loose fitting workout pants color: olive green. Some slide-on Nikes that were fashionable about 4 years ago and now just look pathetic. A fleece pull-over sweatshirt color: olive. So I was this big (somewhat) fluffy, olive colored lady walking on a posh SM street in very outdated Nikes. With socks, I might add. Also, no makeup, hair in a ponytail, and not the brushed, cute kind. I think you know what I mean.
So okay. I'm wandering around this avenue, and I come across some paparazzi outside a store, cameras pressed up against the glass taking photos of Someone inside. Of course, I veer into the store, ask very cooly (in my mind) for one of the paps to move aside (as if I could afford to buy a barrette in the store) and put on my most bored Hollywood expression. I mean, my workout pants, while rather lose and shapeless ARE of high quality. Who knows who I might be? So anyways. I am trying to look very interested in the clothes that I cannot possibly afford to buy, holding articles up in front of me so that I can secretly look around the store to see who the Someone might be. And I see all the cameras point my way and start clicking. I have to say....it was rather disconcerting. I can see how these stars could get fed up with it, EXCEPT FOR THE AWESOME FEELING OF BEING IMPORTANT ENOUGH TO PHOTOGRAPH. Which was soon followed by the humbling realization that if I do appear in next week's celeb magazines as a background figure, I am not putting my Best Foot Forward. Why did I not wear my black heels? A pair of fancy blue jeans? A cute top? Or, how about some makeup for christsake???
So anyways, back to me holding up clothes that are 12 sizes too small and studying them as if I could actually wear them. I see this fabulously thin, petite woman with brilliant red hair, clearly the object of all the attention glancing through the shirts right across from me. So okay, there She is. Who the hell is She? I'm really not sure. She's either that redheaded wife who is desperate, or the one who got knocked up in 9 1/2 weeks. And while you might be wondering how I could not know....this is a special talent of mine. Not recognizing famous people. I once had an entire conversation in a bookstore with Merideth Baxter Birney about a book, thinking she was the mom of one of my friends from elementary school because she looked so familiar to me. Um, no...sorry, just Alex P. Keaton's mom. So here I am studying the clothes - even murmuring great lines like "Oh, this is really cute" and checking out the pricetags, trying to stare without staring. I did not do a very good job.
I finally got bored of the charade and left. But I was miffed. Because if she is the desperate wife....she looks really fucking great for just having had twins not too long ago (and I count anything equal to MB's age as "not too long ago") we're talking a size ZERO. I had only ONE kid, 2 1/2 years ago and really....not looking that great. The more I thought about it, the angrier I got. I mean, who does she think she is? Trotting around in expensive shops in her skinny jeans that have no spilled food on them, no wrinkles, clearly NOT pulled from that pile of discarded clothes by her bed that should probably be in the hamper and not cycled back into play, fully made up ON A SATURDAY and looking fresh from the salon. HER HAIR WAS BRUSHED. Seriously, people like her should not be allowed to wander around in public. It's bad for morale. I ended up getting back in my car and driving myself to the frozen yogurt store. I'm feeling better now thankyouverymuch.
I still have no clue who she was, but went home to scour my celebrity magazines to see if I recognized her. So please, if you pick one of the mags up next week and see this redheaded star shopping in a store in Santa Monica, and there is a woman in the background dressed in all olive-green looking at expensive clothes as if they hold the answer to life......THAT'S ME!!!!!!!!!!!